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Should We Go or Just Send Flowers? Article courtesy Allen Family Funeral Options in SENIOR Magazine

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Should We Go or Just Send Flowers?

Article courtesy Allen Family Funeral Options

Many of us have faced the dilemma of whether or not to attend funeral services for someone we knew or send a floral arrangement instead. Sometimes we see the necessity in doing both. But when the decision is to do one or the other, what factors do we use in arriving at our conclusion?

Obviously, a conflict in schedule has to be considered first, but when the calendar is clear do we tend to look for reasons to go or reasons not to go?

When the person who has died is a member of the family, little thought is necessary; attendance is all but mandatory. Extended family is even considered a “must” by most people. The struggle for the vast majority comes with making this decision when the deceased is an acquaintance from long ago, the family of a friend, or someone we may have known professionally. Thus, the question that normally faces us is, “Why can’t we go?”

Let’s look at the obvious first. Funerals are not fun. The mood is usually sad and people may even be gloomy. Additionally, we are expected to wear dark suits, ties, dress shoes, and all of these are usually not terribly comfortable. If the weather is hot or rainy, this will often have a negative effect on our decision as well. The truth is, we don’t have to look too far to find an abundance of reasons (excuses) to not attend a funeral.

On the other hand, consider the good things that might occur if you go. Although funerals pay tribute to and honor the one who has died, the funeral service is not for that person. The funeral service provides an opportunity for anyone who has been affected by the loss to share his or her feelings openly with others, accept the loss and to say goodbye. So, one reason we have in favor of attending the service is the positive effect it could have for us. As one who has lost immediate members of my family, I can assure you the people who choose to attend have a positive effect on those who are closest to the one who has died.

Seeing and talking with your friends and co-workers at a funeral for your loved one imparts warmth and comfort to a hurting heart. Many times we learn things about the deceased that we did not know. Leaving a funeral feeling as if you know the deceased even better than before often gives a greater appreciation for that person’s life.

We too can get a chance to share a story with the family about their loved one. They may not have known something they said or did that made a positive mark on our lives. So, while it’s often easy to find an adequate reason to skip a service, the good that can come our way or that we can pass on to others can far outweigh the short period of time we could hold back for ourselves.

Look for ways to make something you think will be difficult an easier experience for everyone involved. You may be positively surprised.

Rick and Melanie Allen, owners of Allen Family Funeral Options may be reached at 972-596-8200.