LIVING WELL Magazine

The Decision By: Jennifer Scott, Total Patient Care in SENIOR Magazine, Alzheimer’s Awareness

Collin SENIOR Magazine

The Decision

By: Jennifer Scott, Total Patient Care

Joanne awoke to the closing of the front door. She glanced at the clock on the bedside table—five a.m., she noted. Who was up at this early hour? Joanne got out of bed and put on her robe and headed to the front door. She opened the door and there was Aunt Bee hustling down the sidewalk, pocketbook clutched under her right arm.

“Aunt Bee” Joanne called out.

Aunt Bee turned around and stopped. “Go inside, child,” she said, “I’ll be back in a short while.  I’m just going to the store.”

“It’s too far to walk, come back and I’ll have Danny drive you, Joanne replied.

“No need to worry Danny. It’s just around the corner. Go back inside or you’ll catch your death of cold.”

A chill ran through Joanne, twisting and churning in the pit of her stomach as she realized that there would be no rational conversation with Aunt Bee.

The front door opened again and Danny came out. He knew instantly that something was terribly wrong. It took Danny and Joanne almost 15 minutes to coax Aunt Bee to return to the house. Back inside Danny said, “Here Aunt Bee let me help you with your coat.” He removed the coat then stared in disbelief. It seemed as if Aunt Bee had tried to wear everything in her closet. She had on two sweaters, two pair of pants, on top of which she had managed to force the arms of a third sweater through her legs and somehow had buttoned it in the back. She reeked of urine.

Joanne felt sick; the realization of how far Aunt Bee’s dementia had progressed hit her like a wall of intense sound. How did she not notice? She and Danny would have to make a decision. Aunt Bee could no longer be left unsupervised.

This story has been replayed in many households. How often have we driven along the highways and read the lighted billboards, “Missing elderly, Driving Toyota Lic. Plate #TLD 000. Call police.” How many family members have faced the same situation with mom or dad or other loved one no longer able to be left alone or to care for him-/herself due to some medical condition? The feelings of guilt as families realize the loved one requires more care than they can provide. The agony of possibly having to go against the expectations of family and society can be overwhelming.

Our society prescribes that family members have mutual responsibility for one another as members lose their mental and physical capabilities. But, at what price? When we are under strain we are apt to lose our reasoning power. We get tunnel vision, we over-generalize, see catastrophe where none exists. Making the right decision can then become very stressful. Too often our decision is tempered by what we believe others expect from us rather than from looking at the facts objectively, gathering all information necessary, and making an informed decision.

So what can we do? How can we arrive at a conclusion beneficial to the loved one without it having a profound negative effect on one’s family and sanity? We can take a few steps in order to make an informed decision:

Plan family meetings to discuss problems, evaluate possible options.

Seek advice from professionals who can help identify your concerns, and consider solutions that will be effective for you and your loved one.

Talk with persons who have knowledge and skills in helping families cope with chronic and acute illness such as physicians, pastors, social workers.

Evaluate your financial situation. Research the cost of obtaining care in different settings such as assisted living facilities, group homes, nursing home versus hiring a part-time or full-time caregiver in your home.

Research availability of community resources, financial assistance programs.

Join a support group

Some available resources include:

Alzheimer’s Association: 1-800-272-3900

Alzheimer’s disease education and referral: 1-800-438-4380

American Heart Association: 1-214 373-6300

The Brain Tumor Association: 1-800-933-2873

Author Jennifer Scott is the Executive Director of Clinical Services at Total Patient Care. You can reach Total Patient Care for more information at 214-547-7496.